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PAINE'S 
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THE 

UNEXPECTED 

GUEST 



MacKENZIE 



PAINE PUBLISHING CO. 

DAYTON, OHIO 



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School Classic Series 

JUST THE BOOKS you want for Supplementary Reading and 
Study — Fables and Myths, Nature Stories, and Stories of 
Geography, History and the Industries, as well as selections 
from leading authors and poets. Each book contains about 
thirty-two pages of Choice Literature carefully graded. 



THE LIST CLASSIFIED AND GRADED 
FIRST GRAD£ 1 HistorF and Biography— 
Fables and Myths 36 Story of f oi«"^b,« 

1 Old Fables-Ae«P . 23 Story o^ J^onaWW 

2 Stone. ho_m Andenen-^I 24 ff^^^ Old^XncVl 

(Beginning of the 

Revolution) 

26 Story of Independieiice — II 
(War in Middle Colonic*) 

27 Story of Independence— lU 
(War in Southern Colonies) 

28 The Boston Tea Party 



3 Nuneiry Tale» 

Hature— 

4 Animal Stone* 
Histotry Stories— 

5 Boyhood Stories — I 
(Oolumbus, Washington) 

GMgrajphy— 

6 Children of Many Lands — I 
(A Queer Little Eskimo) 

SECOND GRADE 
Fables and Mylhs— 

7 Stories from Andersen — II 
9 Grimm's Fairy Tales 

iO Adventures of a Brownie 

12 Jack and the Beanstalk 

1 3 Robinson Crusoe 

29 Little Red Riding Hood 
33 Story of Hiawatha 
Hature 
9 Bird Stones— 1 

(The Robin and Bluebird) 
Geography 

II Children of Many Lands— II 
(Ten Little Indians) 

History and Biography 

^4 Stow of riie Pilgrims 

15 Boyhood Stories — II 
(Franklin, Webster, Garfieltfi ; 

THIRD CKADS; 

Stories aod Myths 

16 Indian Myths 

1 7 Greek Myths 

18 Slotiei from Andersen— III 
Nature— 

19 Bird Stories— II 
(The Sparrow Family) 

20 From Seed to Fruit 
(Studies of Plant Life^ 

Geography— 

21 Children of Many 

Lands-Ill 
(Kenjtro, the Japanese Boy) 



FOURTH GRADE 

Legends— 
22 Norse Gods and Heroes 

3 1 Legeeds of the Rhin« 

Nature— 

32 Bird Stories— III 

(The Woodpecker Famfly) 

Geography- 

34 Stories of Coal and Iron 

35 Story of Cotton 

37 Animals of the Hot Belt 

38 Animals of the Cold Belt 

44 Children of Many 

Lands — IV 
(Karl and Katherine in 

Holland) 

Ristory and Biography— 

39 Story of Washington 

40 Story of Lincoln 
4! Great Inventors— I 

(Watt, Stephensain, Fulton) 
43 Story of Daniel Boone 

riFTH GRADJt 

Geography— 

45 Children of Many 

Lands — V 

(Fu Chen, a Little Chinese 

GirO 

49 Story of Silk 
History and Biography-> 

50 Great Inventors — II 



LiteBature— _ 
46 The Golden Touch 

(Hawthorne) 
55 The King of the Golit 

Bivex (Ruskin) 



SIXTH GRADE 

History and Biography— 
42 Great Naval Commanders 

(Jones, Periy, Farragut) 
51 Great Statesmen „ 
(Clay, Webster. Calhoun) 

47 Story of Canada 
Literature— 

48 The Snow Image 
(Hawthorne) 

64 Rip Van Winkle (Irvmt) 

65 Legend of Sleepy Hallow 
(Irving) ^ 

79 Rab and His Fnendi 
59 Thanatopsis (BryanO 

66 Pied Piper of Hamelin 
(Browning) 

SEVENTH GRADE 

Literature— ,^,, 
30 The Man Wilhoul a Co«»- 
try (Hale) , , 

69 Courtship of Miles StsBdiin 
(Longfellow) 

70 Evangehne (Longfellow) 

71 The Great Stone Face 
(Hawthorne) ^ 

72 Snowbound (WhitUer) 

EIGHTH GRADE 

Literature— 

73 The Deserted Village 

(Goldsmith) 

74 Stories of King Arthur 

75 Enoch Arden (Tennssoe) 

76 Vision of Sir Launfal 
(Lowell) , ^ , 

77 The Cotter s Saturday 
Night (Burns) 

78 Speeches of Lincoln 



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PAINE PUBLISHING CO., Dayton, Ohio 



The Unexpected Guest 



BY 

EDNA I. MAC KENZIE 

Author of ' 

'Thai Awful Letter," ''The Country Cousin Speal^s Her Mind,' 

'Susan Gets Ready j or Church," "As Our Washwoman Sees It,' 

" The Ouija Board." 



Copyright, 1920. by 
PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY 



PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY 

DAYTON, OHIO 









THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 



CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Ross. 

Ruth — Mrs. Ross' Elder Daughter. 
Beth — Ruth's Younger Sister. 
Aunt Jane — Mrs. Ross' Sister. 
Madge — Ruth's Dearest Friend. 
Norma — Madge's Younger Sister. 



Time oe Playinh — About Forty-fire Minutes. 



©G1.D 54B07 



MM 20 1^20 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Scene — Nicely furnished sitting-room in the home of Mrs. 
Boss. In the most conspicuous place on the wall is an ugly 
oil painting in an old frame. Ruth is unwrapping a parcel 
at the table. Madge enters. 

RuTti — ^Oh, Madge, you are just in time to help me choose 
the best place to hang this picture that I have bought for 
mother's anniversary present. She has been married twenty 
years to-day. {holds up a pretty scene.) Hov^ do you 
like it? 

Madge — (clasping her hands together in delight) Oh, 
isn't it the dearest, sweetest, cutest thing out ! She'll be 
tickled to death to get it or I'll miss my guess. When are 
you going to give it to her ? 

Ruth — I'm not going to give it to her at all. I'm just 
going to hang it up somewhere and let her discover it. It 
will be worth a circus to watch the look on her face when 
she sees it. You know she's perfectly crazy about lovely 
pictures. If only dad could be here, too. 

Madge — Why, is he away ? 

Ruth — Yes, he's been dreadfully worried over some 
money matters. I don't know anything about his business 
but I heard him telling mother that if he couldn't raise five 
thousand dollars right away, we would lose everything we — ■ 
Oh, dear, if I haven't gone and told a family secret and 
mother always says — . 

Madge — Never mind, Ruth, me darlin', it will be as safe 
as the grave with me. I'll not breathe it to a soul, cross my 
heart, sure to" die. (Goes through motion.) But I do hope 
he gets it. 

Ruth — So do I, but he says money's so tight now, that 
there's very little chance. But I'm not going to worry until 
I have to. And now where's the best place to hang this 
picture ? 

Madge — (carefully looking around the walls) I think the 
best and only place for it is where that ugly old oil-painting 

3 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

hangs. I've often wondered why your mother keeps it there 
when she's so fond of nice pictures. It clashes with every- 
thing else in the room. 

Ruth — I know, but mother won't — . 

Madge — (interrupting) I'll tell you a good scheme. We 
had a couple — they were worse than that, and mother 
wouldn't part with them because they were wedding pres- 
ents. You bet I wouldn't put up with them one minute, 
presents or no presents. When I get married I'm going to 
exchange every single thing that doesn't suit me for — 

Ruth — But what's the scheme you were — 

Madge — Oh, yes, I'm coming to that. Well, one day 
when mother was away, I gave the two priceless works of 
art to our washwoman and she was tickled all to pieces 
with them. 

Ruth — ^And your mother? 

Madge — Oh, she made a dickens of a row when she 
found out. Had to, you know, for appearances' sake, but 
deep down in her heart I'm sure there's an eternal gratitude 
to— 

Ruth — But I wouldn't dare give this one away for it 
has a certain romantic history about it that — 

Madge — (gushing) Oh, do tell me about it; for if there's 
anything I adore, it's romantic stories. I've just finished 
"Love's Sweet Path", and it's the grandest story — the hero 
and the heroine are so lovely and mushy. He kisses her in 
nearly every page. I'll lend — 

Ruth — Oh, its history isn't quite so lovey-dovey as your 
story. But it seems that years and years and years ago a 
young fellow who thought he could paint made love to my 
Aunt Jane. She's mother's only sister, quite a bit older 
than rnother. If you saw her now, you'd wonder how he 
ever did it. When mother got married — to father you 
know, he painted that picture for her for a wedding present. 

Madge — And just like mother she can't bear to part with 
it. 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Ruth — I do wish you wonldn'l iiUcnupt, Madge. It 
isn't the same at all. After wishing that picture on her, if 
he didn't go and take the measles the day after the weddnig 
and die ! 

Madge— Good gracious, Ruth, not of the measles! No 
one ever thinks of dying from measles. 

Ruth— Well, he did. If you don't get them before you"re 
grown up, you do, often. Anyway he did, and I wish that 
he had waited a few months or so longer for Aunt Jane got 
a little batty over it— she thought an awful lot of him, you 
see, and she got it into her head that that picture would have 
a ben — ^ben — 

Madge — Beneficent ? 

Ruth — Yes, that's it. Would have a beneficent influ- 
ence over any one it looked down upon because he was so 
near the pearly gates when he painted it and — 

Madge — But it was painted before the wedding, wasn't 
it? 

Ruth— Just finished the night before. But you don't 
know Aunt Jane. If she gets a notion into her head, 
nothing — 

Madge — But your mother doesn't believe such rot. does 
she? 

Ruth — {indignantly) No. I should say not. But Aunt 
Jane had made her solemnly promise that she w^ould hang it 
in this room where we spend most of our time and mother 
wouldn't break her promise for the world. Besides you 
never know when she'll come popping in and — 

Madge — Well, why couldn't you keep it out of sight until 
she does come and then — 

Ruth — (in a resolute tone) I'm going to. Come what, 
come may, that picture's going away. {She takes^ it down.) 

]Madge — Goodness child, you must be feeling pretty 
strong about it when it inspires you to poetry. 

Ruth — I'll put it in mother's room and it can shed it's 
ben — beneficient influence over her blessed head — 

5 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Madge — (sarcastically) There you go again, Ruth; some 
poetess ! 

Ruth — (indignantly) I'm not making poetry. But I hope 
to goodness no bad luck will follow on the heels of this rash 
act. (Exit Ruth.) 

Madge — I believe Ruth is as superstitious as you make 
them. I'll hang this (taking nezv picture) up in it's place. 
It's some improvement, believe me. Thanks 'be that eyesore 
is gone. I hope we'll never see it again. (Ruth enters.) 
Don't you think this looks better, Ruth ? 

Ruth — (admiringly) A thousand times. (Enter Beth and 
Norma dressed alike in middy suits and ivith books under 
their arms. Beth has sheet of paper in her hand.) 

Beth — Oh, Ruth, if this isn't the biggest joke! You 
know that Jimmy Crow I've told you about— 
Norma — Who sits right behind me in school? 

Beth — Yes, and has such mooney eyes. Well, if he hasn't 
gone and written a poem to us. (Throws her books on a 
chair. ) 

Ruth — For goodness sake, Beth, are you ever going to 
learn to be tidy? Do put your books where they belong. 

Beth — (putting them on a table) Oh, there you go again. 
Just because you're two years and three days older than me 
and have a beau you think you can order me around like 
a four year old. I'll not stand for it, you — 

Norma — Oh, don't pay any attention to her. Madge is 
just the same, but it doesn't bother me any. 

Madge — I should say it doesn't, but you should see her 
room. It looks as though a hurricane had struck it. 

(Madge and Ruth get their fancy work and begin work- 
ing.) 

Norma — It doesn't, I tidy it every night before I get into 
bed and — 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Madge — But you girls are altogether too young to have 
boys writing poems to you. I'll have to tell mother. 

Norma— Oh, go ahead, tattle-tale, and Til tell her what 
I saw last Sunday when you and George Marshall were sit- 
ting in the parlor and he had his arm — 

Madge — (hastily) Norma, you're making that up, he 
never — 

Norma — Don't interrupt, darling one, he had his arm on 
the back of the sofa and he was saying — 

Madge — Never mind that, let's hear your poem. 

Beth— Oh, no, we can't do that. It's for our eyes alone. 
Jimmy wouldn't like it. 

Ruth — But we'll never tell, will we, Madge? 
Madge — Of course not. 
Beth — Cross your heart and sure to die ? 
Ruth and Madge — Yes, yes. (Do so.) 
Norma— Then read it, Beth, It's addressed to *'The 
Heavenly Twins." 

Madge — How little he knows you ! 
Beth — (giggling, reads) 

TO THE HEAVENLY TWINS 
With eyes so rapt, I gaze on thee. 

Sweet heavenly twins, 
You both look mighty good to me. 
With your cute grins. 
(Madge and Ruth laugh.) 
Ruth — Some poetry ! 

Madge — Yes, it has yours beaten all to pieces. Ruth. Go 
on, Beth. 

JNORMA — {severely) Its rude to interrupt, don't yoi. 
know that ? 

Beth — (sarcastically) They're grown up: thev don't 
have to know manners any more. (Reads.) 

7 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Between you, 'twould be hard to choose, 

Oh, darhng twins, 
And through the night my sleep I lose. 
To know which wins. 
Ruth — Not a bit conceitejl, is he? 
Beth — There you go, butting in again. {Reads.) 
Since both of you I cannot wed, 

Desirable twins. 
From single life I'll ne'er be led, 
My vow begins. 
Madge — Such uttdr nonsense ! Whatever have you two 
been doing to make him write such drivel as that ? 

Norma — (indignantly) We haven't done a thing, have 
we Beth? 

Beth — Nothing except eat some of his conversation loz- 
enges and borrow his algebra questions when we haven't 
ours done and — 

Norma — Oh, I have a good idea, Beth. You know Frank 
Broadfoot sells photos of important cathedrals and things 
that he took when he went to the coast. He has a beautiful 
one of the Mormon temple. I^t's buy it and write on the 
back, "Why don't you change your religion?'' and give it to 
Jimmy. 

Beth — Oh, that's great ! How much is it ? 
Norma — Twenty- five cents. 

Beth — Nothing doing. I haven't a quarter to squander 
on that softy when all he's given us is conversation lozenges. 
Ruth — And you certainly won't do it anyway. Mother 
wouldn't allow it. 

Beth — Oh, she wouldn't, would she? Well, how's she 
ever going to know ? If you tell, I'll tell her about that red 
stuff for your face you gave me a nickel to buy for you, 
because you wouldn't ask for it yourself. 

Ruth — I would, too, I mean I didn't gtt you to — Oh, 
dear, why was I ever inflicted with such a younger sister. 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Beth — Yes, two years and three — {notices nezv picture.) 
Oh, what a duck of a picture ! Where did yoii get it and 
what did you do with the other ? 

Ruth — I took it down. 

Beth — You took it down ! I can't believe it. Aren't you 
afraid your fellow w^ill go back on you or something else 
dreadful will happen? 

Ruth — Don't be silly ! 

Beth — What did you do with the family infliction? 

Ruth — I put it up in the attic. But we may have to bring 
it down again. 

Beth — Not with my consent. 

Ruth — I'm afraid your consent w^on't be asked for, my 
dear. 

Beth — Oh, yes. I'm not consulted about anything just 
because I'm two years and — 

Madge— (interrupting) We've heard that interesting 
fact before, Beth. 

Norma — (stretching her gum) See, she sticks up for 
Ruth because th'ey're two of a kind. 

Madge — For goodness sake, Norma, sling that gum away. 
It's dreadfully unladylike to chew. 

Norma — (putting it back into her mouth) W^ell, I'm not 
the only one that chews gum for there was a big hunk left 
on the back of the sofa Sunday night after George — 

Madge — (rushing toivard her) Norma, do go home and 
keep quiet. (Pushes her tozvards door.) 

Norma — Come on, Beth, let's clear out. We're not want- 
ed here with these two old maids. (Exit.) ■ 

Madge — (gathering up her -work) Aren't they awful? 
And I must go, too, Ruth, but I'll come over after tea to 
see how your mother likes her picture and shoulder some 
of the blame for the dethroning of the heirloom. 

9 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Ruth — Oh, do stay for tea, Madge, and then you'll be 
here when she comes home. 

Madge — Well, since you insist, why — 

Ruth — And come on out and talk to me while I get 
supper ready. (Exit girls.) 

(Enter Beth and Norma zvith oil-painting.) 

Beth — I'll just let her see if I have any say in the family 
or not. This picture is going to make a bonfire. 

Norma — Oh, Beth, what will your mother say? 

Beth — Well, I'm too old to be licked and hard words 
can't kill, so I don't care. But if I don't destroy it, I know 
as well as I am standing here that Ruth and mother will both 
have that atro — atrocity up again. They're top much afraid 
of Aunt Jane not to. It's a good thing somebody has a 
backbone in this family even if I am two years and three — 

Norma (hastily) Oh, yes, I know. But its a waste to 
burn it. Let^s sell it to our washwoman. 

Beth — Sell it to her ! Why, no one would take it as a 
gift, let alone buy it. 

Norma — Well, she will. She has a perfect mania for 
ugly pictures. The uglier the better. I bet she'd give us 
a quarter for it. Let's try anyway. She's over at our place 
now. 

Beth — A quarter ! Then we can buy that photo for 
daffy Jimmy. 

Norma — Sure thing, but we'll have to hurry, for she has 
just finished. (Beth idly opens hook and telegram falls to 
floor.) 

Beth— Good-night ! I'm done for now ! 

Norma — ^Gracious, a telegram ! When did you get it ? 

Beth — At dinner time. The boy met me at the corner. 
I stuck it in my French grammar, but I was so worried 
over that old algebra exam that I forgot all about it. 

Norma — You certainly have gone and done it. Telegrams 

10 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

are dreadfully serious. You never get one unless someone's 
coming to visit or is dead or is being born or something, 

Beth — I know. I hope it isn't anybody dead, unless it's 
Aunt Jane and she's left us some money. I wouldn't wish 
even her that only dad is needing money most awfully bad 
just now. But I can't deliver it now. Ruth would use it 
against me foreverafter. What shall I do? ; 

Norma — I tell you. Give it to me. (Takes it). Now run 
over and sell that picture and I'll fix it up somehow. You 
see I'm not Ruth's sister so she can't take my head off. 

Beth — Oh, Norma, you're the dearest — 

Norma — Hustle or she'll be gone. (Exit Beth. Norma 
raises her voice.) Oh, Ruth, where are you? 

Ruth — (entering) Here. What do you want? 

Norma — He're's a telegram. It was just handed to me 
this minute. 

Ruth — (reading it) Oh, oh, oh, it's from Aunt Jane, say- 
ing she will be here on the 5 :20 train, and its more than 
that now. Why, she must be on her way. (Suspiciously) 
Where has it been all this time, I'd like to know? It was 
sent at 12 :05. 

Norma — All I know is that it was handed to me just now. 
I happened to be the only one who was there to receive it 
so I took it. Beth has run over to our house to speak to Mrs. 
Johnson before she got away. Shouldn't I have taken it? 

Ruth — Oh, yes, of course, but its funny that — 
Norma — I must hike. (Aside) I didn't think it would 
be so easy and I didn't even have to tell a lie. (Exit.) 

Ruth — Oh, Madge, here's a telegram from Aunt Jane 
saying she's coming to visit us. I should have gotten 
it at noon. Why, she must be on her way from the station 
now. That messenger boy should be reported for — 

Madge — I know, they're awfully careless. When mother's 

11 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

brother died, she didn't get the message until after the 
funerah 

Ruth — And Aunt Jane will be as mad as a hatter because 
there was no one to meet her. And oh, that picture ! I'll 
have to bring it back again and that one does look so darling 
there. (Exit.) 

Madge — (taking down picture) Aunt or no aunt^ I'd be 
jiggered if I'd have that atrocity back again. It should be 
a criminal offense to keep such ugly — 

Ruth — (rushing in) Oh, Madge, it isn't there! 

Madge — What isn't? 

Ruth — That picture! (Excitedly.) Someone's stolen it. 
There must be something in Aunt Jane's belief, for bad 
luck's been following me ever since I've taken it down ; first 
her coming, then the telegram being delayed, and now — 

Madge — Oh, Ruth, don't be such a goose ! She started 
to come before you ever dreamed of taking the picture 
down, and the telegram boy was on the way with the pesky 
thing while we were in the act of doing the foul deed. 

Ruth — (excitedly) But I can't find it. It's gone. What 
am I going to do ? 

Madge — It must be around somewhere. No one would 
ever dream of stealing it, you can bank on that, and it can't 
have walked away. Anyway, I wouldn't worry about the 
old thing. She can't kill you, can she? 

Ruth — But you don't know Aunt Jane. She's awfully 
peculiar and we have to be dreadfully careful to please ner 
or she'll leave us out of her will. If she finds that picture 
gone, she'll be so mad, she'll cut us off without a cent. 
(Wailing.) Oh, mother, mother, it's all my fault. 

Madge — Perhaps she won't be half bad about it. You 
never can tell. (Bell rings.) 

Ruth — There she is now. What shall I do? 
Madge — Go and make a fuss over the dear sweet thing. 
(Exit Rnth.) Shall I put this up again? (holds picture in 

12 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Jiand.) N"o, the contrast would be too noticeable. That Hub- 
bard fellow was right when he said, "The devil gave us our 
relations, but thank the Lord, we can choose our own 
friends." (She stands picture against the wall.) (Ruth 
comes in ivith Aunt Jane dressed very severely.) 

Aunt Jane — (sitting dozvn slowly) Times are coming to 
a Cfueer pass when an elderly lady can come to a strange 
town alone and not a soul to meet her and her only sister 
not at home and — 

Ruth — (voice slightly raised) But, Auntie, I told you we 
just got the telegram a few minutes ago. It was too late to 
meet you, then. This is my friend, Madge Oakley, Auntie. 
(Aside to Madge.) Speak kind of loud, Madge, she's slightly 
deaf and sometimes she can't hear very well, unless it is 
something you don't want her to hear. 

Madge — (aside) Oh, dear, I never can make deaf people 
hear. (Taking Aunt Jane's hand.) How do you do, Miss 
McNeil. Isn't it a lovely day? 

Aunt Jane — Eh ! 

Madge — A lovely day. (Louder.) Nice day! 

Aunt Jane — (testily) Goodness, child, don't yell like 
that. A person would think I was deaf. You wouldn't 
think it was so nice if you had been riding in a stuffy coach 
all day and nobody to meet you at your journey's end. 
(Looking around) Why, the oil painting is gone. What- 
ever have you done with it? 

Ruth — (aside to Madge) There, didn't I tell you! What 
shall I say? 

Madge — (aside to Ruth) Tell her — oh, tell her you sent 
it to be reframed. 

Ruth — Why, Auntie, the old frame looked so shabby 
that I sent it to the furniture dealers just this afternoon to 
get it reframed. 

Aunt Jx\ne — (excitedly) To get it reframed. Good 
gracious, child, you should never have done a thing like that. 

13 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

I told your mother that frame must never be removed, or — 
Ruth — But Auntie, the old one looked so shabby that — 
Aunt Jane — Never mind talking, hurry and get it back. 
Perhaps he hasn't touched it yet. I tell you, you will be 
sorry if he has. That frame was never meant to be taken 
off by strangers. Of all the ill luck this is the worst that 
could have happened. (Pushes her chair so that she can't 
see entrance.) 

Madge — {aside to Ruth) Good gracious, Ruth, she's 
clean cracked. She should be in an asylum. 

Ruth — {aside to Madge) I know I'll soon be in one. 
What shall I do ! Oh, where's that picture ? 

{Beth and Norma rush in. They dont see Aunt Jane.) 
Beth — {holding up quarter) Oh, Ruth, see what we've 

got. Twenty-five cents ! We sold that old picture to Mrs. 

Johnson for a quarter and now we can buy — 

Ruth — What picture ? 

{Madge hastily picks up snap-shot album and goes over 
to sit beside Aunt Jane.) 

Madge — Oh, Miss McNeal, you must see the latest snaps 
of the Ross family. They're too dear for anything. {Talks 
on in low tone.) 

Beth — What picture? Why can't you guess? It will 
never disfigure that wall again. {Points dramatically to va- 
cant place.) 

Ruth — For goodness sake ! Now you've gone and done 
it ! Run and get it as fast as you can. Run, run, run ! 

Beth — {determinedly) I'll not budge one step to get 
the old thing back. I'm not afraid of Aunt — 

Ruth — -You don't understand. Aunt Jane's here. Turn 
around and speak to her and then hurry. 

Beth — {n^heeling suddenly) Aunt Jane! Why I didn't 
know you were here. {Goes to her; kisses her.) 'When did 
you come ? 

14 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Aunt Jane — (turning around) So this is Anne's young- 
est. Well, you're not much on looks, I must say. (BetJi 
makes a face.) I heard someone mention a picture. What 
picture were you talking about? 

Beth — (aside) I wonder how much she's heard. Thank 
goodness she's kind of deaf. (Aloud) Picture, Aunt Jane? 
Why, Norma and I. This is Norma, Madge's sister, you 
know. (Norma goes over and shakes hands zmth Aunt 
Jane.) 

Norma — How do you do. Miss — Miss — What's her name, 
Beth? 

Beth— McNeal. 

Norma — How do you do. Miss McNeil. 

Aunt Jane — What do I do? Why, its none of your — 

Norma — (hastily) How (louder) how do you do? 

Aunt Jane — Mercy, everybody here seems to think I'm 
deaf. Tm not doing well at all, but nobody cares for a poor, 
old woman any more. What with telegrams going astray 
and nobody to meet me, times are coming to a queer pass, 
I must say. And what were you saying about a picture? 

Beth — Oh, Norma and I have a quarter and we're going" 
to buy one and — and — 

Madge — (quickly) Oh, Miss McNeil, how do you like 
this center-piece I'm making? (Engages her attention.) 

KuTH — Hurry^ Norma, and get that picture. 

Norma — I won't, not for all the Aunt Janes in the world. 
Its a crime to — ■ 

Ruth — (pleading) You might do that much for mother's 
sake, at least. Aunt Jane's hound to have that picture back 
and if we don't get it she'll be dreadfully angry and that will 
be a pretty serious thing for us. She might disinherit 
mother, then you'd be sorry. 

Beth — You're right. I never thought of that. Come on. 
Norma. (Exit.) 

15 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Aunt Jane — {sharply) Ruth, aren't you going for that 
picture ? That man will have the frame all off by this time. 

Ruth — I sent Beth, Auntie. She can hurry faster than 
I can. Come and have supper now. You must be hungry 
and there's no use waiting for mother. Goodness knows 
how long she will be. 

Aunt Jane — Times are coming to a queer pass when 
people are out gadding when they should be at home. But 
your mother was always a hand at visiting. You don't sup- 
pose I can eat my supper without getting washed up when 
I've had a long railway journey, do you? 

Ruth — {in penitent tone) Oh, Aunt Jane, do forgive 
me, I never thought of asking you if you'd like — 

Aunt Jane — Never mind, young things aren't expected 
to remember everything. But I must say a cup of tea will 
be real refreshing after all I've come through to-day, no 
one to meet me, 3^our mother out and that pict — 

Madge — {hastily) I'll play something for you while 
you're getting freshened up. Miss McNeil. (Exit Ruth and 
Aimt Jane.) I guess it had better be a lullaby. {Turning 
over some musie.) It will soothe my feelings even if it 
doesn't Aunt Jane's. Oh, dear, she's the limit. (Plays. Beth 
enters as she finishes.) 

Beth — Say, Madge, where's Ruth? 

Madge — And where's the picture ? 

Beth — I didn't get it. 

Madge — Didn't get it? (Calls) Ruth! (Ruth enters.) 

Ruth — Oh, Beth, what did you do with the picture? 

Beth — I didn't get it. 

Ruth — Why didn't you? Go back and get it at once. 
Offer her anything, anything for it. 

Beth — But she hasn't got it. 
Ruth — (groaning) Then, where is it? 

16 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Beth — Why, she said a woman came to get her to wash 
at her place, and when she saw the picture hanging on the 
wall — she had just finished putting it there — nothing would 
do but she must have it. She gave her five dollars for it. 
Can you imagine it ? 

Madge — Good night ! The whole world's going crazy. 
Five dollars ! Five cents would be a nickel too much. 

Ruth — {excitedly) Who's the woman? Go and get it 
from her. Pay her anything — ten, twenty, a hundred, but 
get that picture. 

Madge — Now, Ruth, hold your horses. Beth,, just ex- 
plain to her that its an heirloom of your family and ask her 
how much she'll take for it. Like as not, she's found out by 
this time that she has been fooled and will be so disgusted 
she'll give it to you for nothing. 

Beth — But I don't know who she is — 

Ruth — Oh, you stupid, stupid girl. Why didn't you ask ? 
Run at once and — 

Beth — You needn't call me names. If she was so crazy 
over it that she'd -pay five dollars, it isn't likely that — 

Madge — W^ell, there's no harm in asking her. Try any- 
way. 

Aunt Jane — {entering) Times are coming to a queer 
pass when your niece runs off and leaves her old aunt to do 
for herself. Oh, here's the child back. Did you get the 

picture ? 

Beth — {indignantly) Fm not a child and — 

Madge — {interrupting) The store was locked up 
(louder) locked up. He's gone home to supper {louder) 
to supper. 

Aunt Jane — Locked up, eh ! Well, go to his house and 
tell him to go down and get it at once. He mightn't be 
honest, like as not, he isn't, and if he has taken that frame 
off — {Mrs. Ross enters and lays parcel on the table.) 

17 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Mrs. Ross — (rushing over to Aunt Jane) Why, Jane, 
this is a pleasant surprise. Why didn't you let me know you 
were coming? 

Aunt Jane — Just listen to the woman. Of course I did, 
but Ruth says you didn't get the word in time. And here I 
came with no one to meet me and you out and that picture — 

Mrs. Ross — {noticing blank space) It is, it is. I knew 
it the moment I saw it — But how in the world did it get 
there ? 

Madge — (aside) This is a lunatic asylum I've broken 
into. 

Ruth — Mother, what are you talking about? 

Mrs. Ross — (taking off hat) Why, I went to hunt up a 
new washwoman. Ours has rheumatism, you know. 
And as soon as she opened the door, I saw hanging above 
her cupboard — 

Madge — (behind Aunt Jane, shakes her head and 
zvhispers) For heaven's sake, Mrs. Ross, shut up ! 
Mrs. Ross — (bewildered) Why, why, what — 

Aunt Jane — What are you acting so queer about, Anne? 
Go on, what was hanging above the cupboard ? 

Mrs. Ross — (confusedly) Nothing, Aunt Jane, nothing. 

Aunt Jane — Well, of all the idiotic — 

Beth — (rushing in) She doesn't know the lady's name; 
she couldn't wash for her so — 

Ruth — (zifho has been unwrapping parcel, holds up oil 
painting) Oh, oh. here's the picture ! Mother, you're a 
darling! 

Beth — Why,. it was mother who was the lady. Isn't that 
a joke, paying five dollars for her own — 

Ruth — (putting her hand over Beth' s mouth) Keep quiet. 
Haven't you any sense? 

Beth — (mumbling) Here, let go. I have got as much as 
you have any day. 

18 . 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Aunt Jane — Are you sure the frame hasn't been 
touched ? 
Mrs. Ross — Of course not, whatever made you think it had? 

Madge — (aside to Beth) Run out and ring the hell as 
hard as you can and then tell your mother she's wanted at 
the door. 

Beth — What for? ' 

Madge — You're awfully dense. Can't you catch on? 

Beth — Oh, I see. Sure thing. (Exit.) 

Aunt Jane — (with asperity) Didn't you send it down to 
the furniture store to get it framed? 

Mrs. Ross — The furniture store? I don't understand. 

Aunt Jane — Well, of all — 

Madge — (hastily) Oh, Miss McNeil, Ruth sent it down. 
Mrs. Ross didn't know a thing about it. 

Ruth — Why, ye — es, of course I did. 

Madge — (gushing) Why, Mrs. Ross, it was Providence 
that sent you into that store. (Aside) Oh, why doesn't Beth 
hurry. (Bell rings outside.) 

Mrs. Ross — (bewildered) What — (Beth rushes in.) 

Beth — You're wanted a minute mother — at the door. 
(Exit Mrs. Ross and Beth.) 

Madge — If Ruth had only inherited her mother's 
artistic qualities and didn't have such abominable taste — 

Ruth— Well I like that ! 

Madge — (fiercely^ aside to Ruth) Keep out of this. 
(Aside.) The Lord helps those who help their friends. (To 
Aunt Jane.) She'd know that a new frame would be entirely 
out of harmony with a valuable heirloom like this ! Let's 
put it back! (Starts to do so.) 

Aunt Jane — (jumping up excitedly) No, no, it must 
never hang there again, never, never ! ( Enter Mrs. Ross 
and Beth.) 

19 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Mrs. Ross and Ruth — Not hang there again? Why^ 
Aunt Jane ? 

Aunt Jane — No, it's been there long enough. Let's see,. 
Anne, how many years is it since you were married? 

Mrs. Ross — Twenty years to-day. 

Aunt Jane — Well, it's been there just twenty years too 
long. I — 

Mrs. Ross — Jane, are you crazy? It was you yourself 
that — 

Aunt Jane — I know, I know, and I can never forgive 
myself. But I didn't know then what I do now. As soon 
as I found out, I came right away. 

Madge — (aside) More mystery. 

Aunt Jane — You see, I thought the whole world of Ab- 
solom Shawley and when he died with that painting still 
wet from his hands, I thought, I thought — (Puts handker- 
chief to eyes and sobs.) 

Mrs. Ross — (gently) Yes, Jane, we know. 

Madge — (aside) Yes, they know all right — to their 
sorrow. 

Aunt Jane — But I just found out yesterday — after all 
those long, lonely years that I've remained true to his mem- 
ory. (Sobbing.) Oh, my poor wasted life, why didn't I know 
then! After all these years. Oh, Oh. (sobs.) 

Ruth — (putting her arms around her aunt) Never mind,. 
Aunt Jane, don't tell us about it when it causes you so much 
sorrow. 

Aunt Jane — I'm an old fool to feel so badly, but I can't 
help it. All these years of single lonehness when I might 
have — But there, it's past and gone, now. 

Ruth — And what is it you have just found out, Auntie? 

Aunt Jane — I was visiting an old school-mate of mine, 
Sarah Perkins, Mrs. Neimiah Henshot she is now, and her 
with six children, four boys and two girls, all doing for — 

20 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Ruth — Yes, Auntie, and Sarah — ? 

Aunt Jane — ^Sarah had a few friends in for tea while 1 
was there and we got talking about our young days and 
there was a woman there, her name's Mrs. Daniel Smithers. 
She was thin and scrawny with a yellowish complexion and 
drab hair and — 

Ruth — What about her, Aunt Jane? 

Aunt Jane — (testily) What are you always interrupting 
for? Times are coming to a queer pass when a woman can't 
speak half a dozen words without being interrupted by the 
younger generation. Well the conversation got around to 
beaux, somehow, and that woman was telling all about a 
love affair she had had once. I wasn't paying much atten- 
tion to her because the woman at my right was weeping on 
my shoulder, being a widow and having sad memories on 
that account, when all at once that woman spoke his name 
out real loud and it was — (Sobs) it zvas — 

Beth — (jumping around excitedly) Oh, I know. Abso- 
lom Shawley ! 

Aunt Jane — (glaring) Anne, you should teach your 
children better manners. Times are coming to a queer — 

Beth — But wasn't it. Aunt Jane? 

Aunt Jane — Yes^ it was, but you needn't be hollering it 
out in that indecent manner. 

Mrs. Ross — Oh, Jane, I can't believe it. 

Aunt Jane — It was an awful shock, a terrible shock and 
all these years I have been treasuring his memory, and was 
happy in believing he had loved me alone. Oh, the falseness 
of men ! 

Mrs. Ross — But Jane, he may have been just a friend of 
hers and she'd exaggerated it. You know some women be- 
lieve that if a man even looks at them he's in love with them. 
Perhaps she — 

AUNT Jane — I wish I could believe that, but it's true, 
sister, only too true, for I went to her place the next day 

21 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

and she showed me all the love letters she had gotten from 
him. She said they were so beautiful and poetic that she 
had kept them in memory of him, him dying so tragic and 
all, and — and — (Sobs.) 

Ruth — And — 

Aunt Jane — They were word for word, line for line, ex- 
actly the same as those reposing in the bottom of my hair- 
cloth trunk this very minute — even the dates are the same. 

Mrs. Ross and Ruth — (in shocked voices) Oh, Aunt 
Jane! 

Aunt Jane — (fiercely) But the moment I get home, I'll 
make the biggest fire in the kitchen stove and burn every 
single one of them. 

Mrs. Ross — I certainly would, Jane. The faithless wretch ! 
{Discovers new picture.) Oh, oh, what a prefectly lovely 
scene. Where did it come from? 

Ruth — Oh, mother, do you really and truly like it ? 

Mrs. Ross — Like it? I love it, it is beautiful, but — 

Ruth — (kissing her) It's my present to the dearest little 
mother in the world on the twentieth anniversary of her 
wedding day. 

Mrs. Ross — You dear, darling girl, to think of you re- " 
mem'bering that! (Norma comes in zvith photo in her hand.) 

Madge — Why, Norma, I thought you had gone home long 
ago. Where have you been? 

Norma — I've been buying this photograph with the 
twenty- five cents we got for selling that pict — 

Madge — (hastily) Never mind; you'd better run along 
home, now ; its nearly tea-time. 

Norma — Nothing doing; Beth asked me to stay here for 
tea. Here's our photo, Beth. 

Beth — I forgot all about your anniversary, mumsee, until 
the last moment, but Norma got me this photograph for you. 
(Gives it to her.) 

22 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Norma — (aside to Beth) Well, say, I like your cheek I 
And now we can't play that trick on Jimmy boy. 

Mrs. Ross — Its lovely of you to give me this, dear, but 
why a Mormon temple? 

Norma — (hurriedly) Its the first I came across, but 
please let me change it for you. 

Mrs. Ross — Why, no, it is lovely. 

Norma — ^Oh, please, please let me, I'll get you one *of 
Westminster or — or — anything you like. 

Mrs. Ross — (aside) Now I wonder what she wants this* 
one so badly for. (Aloud) Well, since you insist. 

Norma — (taking it out of her hand) Yes, yes. (To Beth) 
You can dig up another quarter now. 

Aunt Jane — And so it is your wedding day. I had for- 
gotten all about it. But wait, I — Ibring that oil-painting 
here, Beth. 

Beth — Do we have to hang it up again ? 

Aunt Jane — Don't ask questions. Now, run and get the 
screwdriver. (Exit Beth.) 

Aunt Jane — You girls will never believe it now, but when 
I was a young bit of a thing, I used to love reading detective 
stories and — (Enter Beth; gives screwdriver to Aunt Jane.) 

Beth — Good for you, Aunt Jane, so do I but mother — 

Mrs. Ross — That will do, Beth. 

Aunt Jane — And I got the notion from a story I was 
reading to hide something in this frame that would be a 
great surprise to you and bring you the best of luck some 
day and — (holding up some bills) here it is, five thousand 
dollars. 

Norma — Five thousand dollars ! And to think we sold it 
for twenty- five — 

Madge — (putting hand over Norma s mouth) Keep quiet. 
Quiet. 

2Z 



THE UNEXPECTED GUEST 

Aunt Jane— I didn't intend to tell you about it, but was 
going to have it put in my will ; but since I've forced you to 
live with that hideous picture — 

Mrs. Ross — Oh, Jane, don't say — 

Aunt Jane — I will say it, Anne. It is hideous, although 
I never noticed it before. And as I said, since it was me who 
inflicted it on you for all of twenty years — 

Mrs. Ross — Now, Jane, don't — 

Aunt Jane — Don't interrupt, Anne. You know right 
well you never would have let it hang there all these years 
if it wasn't for me. But since you did, you have well earned 
this money, and perhaps you can make better use of it now, 
than you could when I'm dead. (Gives notes to Mrs. Ross.) 

Mrs. Ross — (bursting into tears) Oh, Jane, Jane, if you 
only knew what this means to us. It means our business, 
our home, our everything. 

Aunt Jane — (patting her and iviping her ozvn eyes) 
There, there, Anne, don't take on so. Here, (to Beth) take 
this picture and make a bonfire and burn it up. 

Beth — (aside) I sure will, for I'll never rest easy again 
until I know the old thing is safe — in ashes. 

Norma — I see where you will have to dig up fifty cents, 
Beth. 

Ruth — (to Aunt Jane) Oh, Auntie, you're far too good to 
us, we — I don't deserve it. We can never repa}^ you. 

Mrs. Ross — No, never. 

Aunt Jane — (tartly) Nonsense. Just bear with an old 
maid and her queer ways : that's all I ask. 

Madge strikes up "For She's a Jolly Good Fellozv/' and all 
group themselves zvith Aunt Jane in center and sing.) 

CURTAIN. 



24 



r <Aw, ■ 



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